warriorsfanficfandomcom-20200213-history
Brambleclaw Dies of Adoption Sickness
Brambleclaw Dies of Adoption Sickness Note: This will be written in a story-like format, and is definitely not a— Spoofmaster: Hey, wait a minute! This is supposed to be a spoof! Too bad, loser. My story, my decision. Spoofmaster: You're not a fluffy sugarbunny after all. Most other spoofmakers are. Well, I guess I'll just have to make this a spoof! *waves magical wand* Bro! Hey, wait! This wasn't in the contraaaaaaaaaaaaaact!!!!!!!!!!! Brambleclaw Dies of Adoption Sickness: A Spoof Bruh, you don't state that it's a spoof in the title. A title speaks for itself. Spoofmaster: Shut up. The feeling is mutual. A spoof by Stareh Forestpelt is Holly's character Thynffindor is pronounced Thun-fin-dor Shydowrin is pronounced Sha-dow-rin ENJOY And now we present the story. Please accept any apologies for delays, as the author and spoofmaster are arguing over spoof techniques. Also sorry for any technical difficulties. Alex Fierro here loves throwing pottery shards at our tech. *A Gathering* HOLD IT!!!! We must give our characters spoofy names! Including you, Brambleclaw. You cannot escape the land of spoofiness. On with the show! Bramblefart: Squirrellllllllllly! WE'RE GONNA BE LATE FOR OUR MONTHLY BUSINESS MEETING AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T CHOSEN A DRESS????? Squirrelly: Bramble, remember that this is of utmost importance. Dress to impress, my dear. Bramblefart: I'm the president of Thunder and Company, and we cannot be late! That could lead to the most TERRIFYING THING OF ALL!!! Squirrelly: If the answer is a demotion— Bramblefart: It is! If we get one because you take too long to dress then I'll never forgive you! Firepoop: BRAMBLE! SQUIRREL! HURRY UP! WE MUST MEET THE OTHER COMPANIES QUIIIIICK! Jaybae: Assistant to Head of Department of Health ready to go. Is Mom ready? Bramblefart: Nope. *thirty hours later...* Squirrelly: As herald of Thunder and Co., may I introduce . . . . THUNDER AND COMPANY CEO, FIREPOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPY *in a whisper* firepoopypants heehee Leopardduck: Riverfax starts first! NOTHING HAPPENED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jaybae: How typical. Leafderp: rude also capitalization and punctuation are for babies Leopardduck: *leaps into the crowd and attempts to maul jaybae but hits berrysnot instead* Blackboy: Shadowcroft will go next. Littlefluff has a new slave to murder—I mean, a new assassin to train . . . oh, fox dung. Berrysnot's ghost: Way to go, Blackfail. Blackboy: *kills berrysnot again* Onedung: *wearing a pink ballerina dress and a tiara and holding a star-tipped wand* Don't ask. Windigo will go next . . . some idiot fell into the stream and gave our warriors a heart attack. We all died. The end. Ashflash: Onedung, I specifically told you not to lie! Onedung: Shut up, MOTHER. Ashflash: *runs away sobbing and jumps in quicksand* Firepoop: FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!! omg we're never first Hollyball: WAIT I MUST MAKE A VERY IMPORTANT PSA...........WE HAVE A TACO INVASION!!!!!! AND A SODA INVASION!!!!!!!!!!!! AND OUR WARRIORS ARE GETTING FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also me, lion, and jay are products of the expression leaf times crow *chaos breaks out and the god of fatness comes out and eats half the clan cats* *television fizzes out and switches to Sesame Street with Elmo singing* *switches over to a rerun of Full House* *switches over to an alien channel* *finally switches back* Enjoy the show. We apologize for any delays we might have had. The god of fatness destroyed our camera and the goddess of wifi lag destroyed our tech. Now back the the show. Onedung: STOP! I HEARD SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT! THIS IS CRUCIAL TO OUR SURVIVAL! Leopardduck and Hollyball: I know! We have unhealthy fat warriors! It's a DISASTER!!!!!!!!!!!! *sobs violently* Ferndump: me don't see how this is a problem these tacos are delish *eats five thousand tacos and drinks 80,000 gallons of soda* Dustybutt: ikr *eats and drinks twice the amount of tacos and sodas as ferndump* Leopardduck: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! Our general health is at risk! We could all catch the fatness bug! *starts to sob even more* Onedung: No, it was the math problem. It was . . . 3x + 5y * 62 - 7^5 = 9y/5^9 - 9/4x + 72 * 5? Ashflash's ghost: Nerp, that's your math homework, dummy. Hollyball: Oh, me and my brothers are Leafderp and Crowbooty's. Firepoop: OH NO THE UNIVERSE IS DOOMED! Wait, what? Hollyball: It all began— We now interrupt this nightly scheduled tv show for a very important, critical, crucial, and mandatory PSA announcement Mapleshade: Have you or another cat suffered from homework addiction? If so, dial 1-800-516-7878 for a fun support group that will help you break that addiction. Remember, you're not alone. Tigerstar: Yes, this is very important. Rates of homework addiction have risen in the past few years, and have tripled since 2000 AD. Thistleclaw: If you or another are suffering from this serious ailment, don't wait. Call our hotline and we'll help schedule an appointment with our psychiatrist, Dr. Shredtail. Shredtail: Hello, and thank you for watching. Homework addiction is very serious. In later stages, it can even lead to a love of school. If there is no treatment, the victim may go insane from the love of academics. Please, do not hesitate to reach out to me. We'll get you cured in no time. Back to the show! (sorry, but it was mandatory. they blackmailed us and everything) Onedung: CROWBOOTY!!!!!!!!!!! Squirrelly, Leafderp, and Crowbooty: Uh-oh. *try to run away but end up nowhere* Sandtrip: Young ladies, you two are GROUNDED. And I mean GROUNDED. Bramblefart: NOW WAIT A MINUTE!!!!!!!!!!! U NVR TOLD ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Squirrelly: Bramblefart, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeee believe me! It was for everyone's good! Except for everyone except us two!!!!!!! Please! Hollyball: YOU DARE PUT YOUR OWN NEEDS ABOVE OURS?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah ur a bad parent Leafderp: Holly, I'm sorry, but please believe us: this was for the best. Squirrel here can't have children, she needed someone, and how could I not help her? She's my sister! Jaybae: I thought the general rule was don't help your siblings ever. Hollyball, Sandtrip, Squirrelly, Leafderp: No, it's don't help your annoying siblings ever. There's a diff. Firepoop: You tell me. Taylor wouldn't even give me college tuition! Bramblefart: I'm . . . I'm . . . I adopted?! *sobs tragically* NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why must the universe be so cruelllllllllllll? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Hollyball: He's officially gone crazy. Onedung: By the way, Crow, you're grounded too when we get back. Crowbooty: Not my mother, you foxheart! Leafderp: No, no, no, that's not how you quote Harry Clawter! It's 'not my daughter, you mutt!' Besides, you're using it in the wrong situation! Ten points from Shydowrin! Crowbooty: *sputtering* Well-I-good StarClan-I-FIVE THOUSAND POINTS FROM THYNFFINDOR! Bramblefart: Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! *stops crying, eyes bulging, then drops over* i died Squirrelly: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Bramble! Wake up! Don't die on me! DON'T DIE ON ME! Jaybae: lol u idiot he just did haha rofl Hollyball: Nobody uses ROFL anymore. It's just LOL Jaybae: Nobody uses caps for abbreviations anymore. loser Hollyball: ? Jaybae: loser, stands for lost stupid emergency. Leafderp: Oh dear. Spoofmaster: Wait wait wait. Nobody's supposed to die here. There's a reason "die" is in the title mister! Spoofmaster: Bring Bramblefa—I mean, Brambleclaw back! Or else you are fired! Sure! *brings back Bramblefart's ghost* Bramblefart's ghost: Hey guys! I reside with StarClan now! Hooray! Now I can curse you guys and send meteors and such! Forestpelt's ghost: *slams into Bramblefart* NO! That's my job, you BULLY!!! Jaybae: starclan don't be such a downer Leafderp: Who's that? Forestpelt's ghost: *gasps* You don't know ME? HOW RUDE! *throws meteor at the Clans* And that is how Forestpelt got his revenge on ThunderClan! Yay! Bramblefart's ghost: No, it's my job! Forestpelt's ghost: No, it's mine! STAR!!!!!!!!! Tell Fartypants that it's MY job to throw meteors at people! Far—I mean, Bramblefart, it is kind of his job. He did it twice already. Three times if you count recently. Forestpelt's ghost: Of course you do! *prepares to throw another meteor* Whoa. No touchy the author. Spoofmaster: Ahem. Please resurrect everyone. The spoof guidelines say it must adhere to the book, and nobody died except Ashtrash. *glares at ashtrash's ghost* Why, oh why, are you not in the DF? Mapleshade: Because we hate him too, and he doesn't deserve to be even in the DF. Everyone in the DF: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jaybae's ghost: Yes, I live for many more moons. So please make me alive again. *raises eyebrows* Wowza! I mean, keep it PG-13, people. Cats. Whatever. *waves magical wand* *everyone except the supposed-to-be dead cats are resurrected* Squirrelly: BRAMBLE! I missed you! Bramblefart: Whoa. No touchy the deputy. We're supposed to be exes now. Everyone except Squirrelly and Bramblefart: YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SQUIRRELxASH FOREVSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!! Bramblefart and Squirrelly: EWWWW!!!!!!! THE END